Unwanted Attention is the Crux of Creep: Part the Fourth

Sometimes it isn't about you, until you make it about you.

Sometimes it isn’t about you.

Reading back over the previous three Crux of Creep posts, I’ve noticed something.  Several of the illustrative examples I’ve given of women thinking guys are creeps have to do with women turning down men for reasons that have NOTHING to do with the man in question.  The men only acquire creep status when they demand an explanation or otherwise will not take no for an answer.

I, and other women, have turned men down because we’re tired and don’t have the energy to engage, because we’ve lost a pet or loved one, because we’re already in a relationship or possibly already otherwise engaged in the courtship dance with someone else, or we might not be into your gender.

None of these reasons have anything to do with your worth as a person, or you at all.  Just as, often, the reasons you’re hitting on a complete stranger have very little to do with the person they actually are.

I’ll wager that everyone has days or times when they just don’t feel like putting any more than the bare minimum of energy or politesse into their interactions with others, male/female, cis/trans… Everyone has days where they would happily put on the tutu of “I don’t give a shit” and do the “Fuck you” dance on the front lawn.

Look, I know it takes a lot of effort for many folks of all genders to work up the nerve to hit on someone, and getting shot down sucks.  However, this does not excuse you from respecting other people’s wishes and boundaries.

No one owes you a shot at them, and you need to realize that often the reason for their “No,” may have very little to do with you.  Maybe you just caught them at a bad time, maybe they’re sick, maybe they had a shitty day at work, or maybe you just don’t do it for them, for reasons, that again, probably have very little to nothing to do with you personally.

You only become a creep when you don’t respect their boundaries by respecting their “No.”

I don’t know how many times I have to repeat this:  when someone tells  you “No,” or otherwise rebuffs you, just take “No” for an answer and back off.  They don’t owe you an explanation, they may not want to give you an explanation.  I sure as hell didn’t want to have to tell someone I barely knew that my grandfather had just died.  I don’t want to have to tell you I’m having a shit day, or have a cold, or in a relationship.  I just want to politely tell you I’m not interested, and go about my day.  Or if the headphones are in and the book is open, I don’t want to tell you anything.